


Impact of a Lifetime

by TheGreatFishstick



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alduin is actually a scary bastard, Ancano's not scary he's just a bastard, Canon Divergence, College of Winterhold - Freeform, College of Winterhold Questline, Conjuration Magic, Conjuration is actually really cool when it isn't just wolves atronachs and daedra, Destruction magic, Dragons other than Alduin, Emotional Baggage, Everyone hates the thalmor, F/F, Great view tho (winks at Savos Aren), I love Winterhold but it's kinda depressing tbh, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Skyrim Main Quest (Eventually), Skyrim is actually a really weird place when you actually experience it, Torture, also magic is fucking awesome, other animals exist my guys, sry not sry ancano
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-12-17 11:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11850525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatFishstick/pseuds/TheGreatFishstick
Summary: I don't really think anyone really reads my works, like, at all, but if you do, here's the next chapter. Sorry it's been a while, but I was busy with finishing school and what not. Then summer rolled around and I forgot this even existed, and then I was cleaning up my drive and I found it and picked it back up again. So yeah, here's chapter 3.





	1. Chapter 1

I walked out of the hospital I worked as a nurse at, sighing. I rubbed my forehead in exhaustion as I walked out into the parking lot towards my car, an older honda civic. It had been a long day. As I arrived at my car, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my keys. As I inserted the key into the lock on the car door, a bright purple spark jumped from the key to the car. It was strong enough that the lights inside the car flickered briefly, and I heard the radio turn on and then turn off. Slightly spooked, I reached for the door handle, slowly, hoping I didn’t get shocked. Thankfully, as my hand came into contact with the handle, nothing happened. I opened the door, relieved, and got into the car.  
I closed the door behind me and put the keys in the ignition, turning on the car as I buckled my seatbelt. I backed out of my parking spot and started heading towards the parking lot exit. I got out only to be halted by a red light just outside the parking lot. I sat a for a few minutes tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. The light turned green and I started my journey to my apartment. I turned on the radio as I drove. It turned on and all I heard was static, so I fiddled with the knob to try and change the station. Eventually, I got it to a music station. I drove in peace for a few minutes, humming along to the music. It suddenly changed to static again. As I reached for the knob, the static cleared. I heard panicked voices.  
“Something’s wrong! What do I d-”  
Static.  
“I don’t know! It just feels like something's not going the way it’s supp-”  
Silence.  
Noise sliced through like a hot knife through butter.  
“I can see through to the other side!”  
Muted noise. A question.  
“It looks so strange, and alie-”  
I heard a car horn blare in my ear. I broke out of my reverie and looked up in horror as I saw a semi coming at me head on at full speed. The moment the semi hit, my world filled with color, and I saw no more.  
\------  
The paramedics arrived onto the scene of the crash ten minutes later. The car, was, putting it kindly a wreck. The entire driver’s side was a mess of broken glass and twisted metal. When the police questioned the driver of the semi, he told them what had happened. He was crossing an intersection, when a small honda civic had run a red light and come directly into his path. He’d hit it hard enough to flip it over. One paramedic worried over the semi driver, who was only mildly injured. The rest hurried over to the crumpled civic. To their surprise, when they cleared away what remained of the windshield, the driver seat was empty. It was obvious that the driver hadn’t been buckled. Purple sparks danced all over the radio and driver seat, then quickly faded. They searched for any sign of the driver, but they never found one. It was as if the driver just, disappeared, out of thin air. There was blood. Lots of blood. But no signs of the driver, and the blood led nowhere.


	2. Chapter 2

I was crawling through a wasteland. Filled with lava and horrifying creatures. I inched through it, coughing as I inhaled superheated air that seared my lungs to a crisp. The sky overhead was a bloody red, constantly storming. Lightning shattered the sky every few moments, accompanied by a deafening clap of thunder. I felt a strange feeling in my head, and a pull in my gut. The pull intensified and my surroundings changed.  
I was in a garden of roses. I inhaled air sweetened by the scent of hundreds of thousands of roses. Beyond the garden I was in, I saw breathtaking waterfalls and magnificent trees. Trees that stood hundreds of stories tall, with trunks as big around as a city block. It was then that I became aware of the rain. The rain blurred the colors of everything together, making a beautiful watercolor of the world. Off in the distance, I could see a castle made of roses. Pull.  
A world afloat on an ocean of black sin, with tentacles writhing amongst its waters. Strange islands, built of books, connected by greasy metallic black bridges. Stony outcrops, thrusting upwards out of the sea like great fangs. Pull.   
A darkened landscape. I looked for a source of light, but there wasn’t one. The land around seemed to be eternally trapped in the twilight hours. Off in the distance I could see a castle, with flocks of birds flying above it, screeching out in a cacophony. Pull.  
I was floating in a cloud of ash. I felt a strong wind on my face. The ash in front of me cleared, and I saw a fortress composed of ash far away. I saw creatures flying in the distance. Pull.  
I was on a beach. I saw the ocean in front of me. I turned and looked inland. It was dark and marshy, a land filled with bog and strange creatures. I heard the screams of the insane far away. Pull.  
I was laying on something cold. I opened my eyes and saw I was outside. A harsh, biting wind howled it’s way through my clothes, chilling me to the bone. I looked around and saw that I was in some kind of strange circle, with odd runes or letters inscribed around it. I looked beyond the circle and nearly vomited. There were bodies scattered haphazardly around the circle. I looked away for a brief moment to settle my nerves, and noticed something. I was on a rooftop. I heard muffled shouting. I whipped around and saw a trapdoor that was partially covered by one of the bodies. I gagged. The bodies were horribly mutilated. Some were horrifically burned, with missing limbs. Other’s looked like a chew toy, with their skin ripped and torn, their agony clear on their faces. They were scattered around the circle as if a giant had come and played ragdoll with their bodies, and just left them where they lay when it got bored and walked away. There was blood and guts everywhere. Whatever their injuries, they were all marred beyond all recognition as human beings. I tried to sit up and screamed as my vision flashed red. I tried again, and was successful, but the pain was nearly incapacitating. I crawled my way to the trapdoor and struggled to push the body off. As I was pushing the body away, I saw my hands. I gasped at the sight of them. They were ripped and torn, brutally crushed. They were bleeding. Badly.   
The moment I got the body off the trapdoor, it flew open. I crawled away as someone came in through. As soon as I got out of the way, I collapsed onto my back. Spots flew in my vision. My hands were definitely broken, and badly too. One of my legs was probably broken too. Someone grabbed my and hauled me up by the armpits. My back was suddenly red hot with pain, and I screamed. My vision started fading. I heard a woman’s voice say in horror, “by the divines. What happened to them?”  
The person dragging me got me to the trap door as I blacked out.  
\------  
I drifted in and out of consciousness. I heard muttered swears, and something about “getting this fucking deadweight down a ladder”. They set me down on something soft, but firm. My body was broken and battered, and on the edge of death.  
\------  
Colette Marence had seen many horrifying injuries in her lifetime, but never ones so severe as those on the man in the bed in front of her. Faralda and Brelyna hovered nearby, clearly worried.  
“Will he live?” Faralda asked quietly.  
“I….do not know. I hope so. His injuries are so severe. His back, leg, and hands are all broken. Very badly.” Colette replied.  
Colette pulled a chair up next to the bed. She closed her eyes and focused, reaching deep inside herself for the ever present wellspring of magical energy inside her. She focused and willed it through her hands and into the wounded man in front of her. Heal. Restore him, she thought, focusing on making her magic obey her will. Golden light suffused her hands and the man, lighting up her surroundings and sending strange shadows leaping around the room. As she ran out of magicka, she sensed the wounds in the man heal. She opened her eyes, exhaustion clear in her eyes. She looked at the man in the bed, relief evident on her usually sour features.  
“He’ll recover. He likely won’t wake up for several days, so be sure you keep him hydrated while he’s out. If you’ll excuse, I’m going to go take a nap. Healing him took a lot out of me.” Colette walked away, swigging a potion as she did so. As she exited the building, Faralda called out to her, “Thank you so much Colette! You’re a miracle worker!”   
There was a muted “I know” in reply. The building quieted down as everyone returned to their normal tasks. Or, as normal as things can get when someone is brought back from the brink of death.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really think anyone really reads my works, like, at all, but if you do, here's the next chapter. Sorry it's been a while, but I was busy with finishing school and what not. Then summer rolled around and I forgot this even existed, and then I was cleaning up my drive and I found it and picked it back up again. So yeah, here's chapter 3.

I woke up slowly, as if I was drifting up to the surface of a lake. I opened my eyes, looking around and taking in my surroundings. I was in a small room, with bookshelves up against the walls to my right and left. I was laying in a bed, which appeared to be situated in the middle of the room, up against the back wall. In between the bed I was in and the bookshelf to my left was a chair. In the chair sat a woman. She was wearing strange clothes that looked almost like robes, with a hood shadowing her face. I sat up slowly, groaning slightly. I was very sore. My groan awoke the woman in the chair, who jumped up and hurried over.  
“By the eight! You’re awake.” She said as she helped me out of the bed.  
I grunted in response. I was more focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I was having trouble keeping balanced, and walking was proving to be quite the chore. My stomach growled, and I realized two things at once. One, I was incredibly hungry. Secondly? I really needed to pee.  
“Um, I really need to use the restroom, so is there a place I could do that?” I asked.  
“Oh! Of course! Right this way.” She replied.   
I leaned on her heavily as she lead me out of the room I had been in. She turned as we exited the room, and led me towards the room right next to mine. There were several walled off stalls, with wooden doors attached to the front. She walked me right up to one of the doors. She walked away as I opened the door. Inside was what appeared to be a stone toilet bowl. On the wall next to it was a sink, with some soap lying on top. I looked at it, curious. I sat down on it and immediately heard flowing water. I stood up and looked in the bowl. No water, just stone. I sat down again, and heard the flowing water. I looked down in between my thighs and saw water. Weird. I went about my business, and stood up when I finished. I turned towards the sink looked at it, confused. It obviously was meant to supply water, but I didn’t see any valves to turn to get the water running.   
“Um, how do I get the water running?” I asked loudly, hoping the woman who helped me earlier was still nearby by.  
“Tap the faucet twice.” She replied.  
I sighed, glad she was still near enough to help. I looked at the faucet, then tapped it twice. To my surprise, water came streaming out. The water must’ve been quite warm, because steam rose from it into the cold air of the building. I plunged my hands into the water, grateful for it’s warmth. I finished washing them and dried them off on my shirt. I stumbled out of the stall, still unsteady on my feet. The woman, who’s name I had yet to learn, hurried over and helped me.   
“So, um, what’s your name? I can’t thank you for helping me if I don’t know your name.” I said.  
“Brelyna Maryon.” She replied.  
“Well, thank you, Brelyna for helping me.” I told her.   
“You’re welcome….I don’t know your name, sorry.” Brelyna trailed off.  
“Oh. Right, sorry. It’s Magnus.” I told Brelyna.  
Brelyna walked me back to the room I had woken up in, where I sat down on the edge of the bed. I looked around at my unfamiliar surroundings, unsure as to where I was. Once Brelyna was sure I was situated safely on the bed, she began to walk away.  
“Brelyna, wait. Where am I?” I asked.  
“The College of Winterhold.” She replied.  
“You’re joking, right?” I said.  
“No, you’re really at the College of Winterhold. Is something wrong?” She inquired, worry evident in her tone.  
“B-but, that means I’m in Skyrim.” I said.  
“You are.” Brelyna confirmed, clearly confused.  
“I can’t be in a game! That’s not possible!” I said shakily.  
I shot to my feet, running unsteadily towards the stairwell. I went down the stairs dangerously fast, taking them two at a time. I arrived at the foot of the stairs. I heard what I assumed was Brelyna stumbling down the stairs behind me. I looked around panickedly, searching for a door. I found one. I sprinted towards it, throwing it open and stumbling into a cold and icy wasteland. If I was in Skyrim, there had to be landmarks that I would recognize. I glanced around. The statue of Shalidor was in the middle of the courtyard, exactly where it should be. I turned and looked to my right. There were the gates to the college. I ran towards them, ramming them open with my shoulder. I charged recklessly down the decrepit bridge between the college and the town of Winterhold. I ran down the last steps of the bridge and into the town. I stopped there, bent over with my hands on my knees, chest heaving. Sweat dripped down my nose, freezing right before it dripped off the tip. I straightened up slowly, feeling the ache in my back and legs. I stumbled towards the nearest building and leaned up against it, the last dregs of my adrenaline vanishing. I heard hurried footsteps on the bridge.   
I looked over my shoulder and saw Faralda and Brelyna hurrying towards me. The concern was clear on their faces. I turned so my back was against the wall and slowly slid downward, till I felt the cold of the ground through the seat of my pants. I cradled my head in my hands, feeling a shiver run down my spine. My thoughts frantically ran from place to place, trying to think of a way that to prove this wasn’t real. Faralda and Brelyna’s footsteps crunched in the snow, their booted feet becoming visible in my peripheral vision. Magic, something whispered in the back of my mind. My head jerked up. In Skyrim, people could do magic. If they couldn’t, that would mean I’m not in Skyrim.   
“Faralda, cast a spell.” I demanded.  
She just looked at me, shock evident on her face.   
“Wha-how do you know my nam-why?” She asked.  
“Please, I just need you to do it. Please.” I plead.  
She looked at Brelyna, who nodded, but mouthed something harmless. Faralda nodded cautiously. She readied herself, and then did something that would forever be burned in my mind. She brought her hands together and cupped them, like one would if they were holding water. Her brows furrowed, and she frowned slightly. And then a blindingly bright light began to emanate from her hands. It dimmed until I could stand to look at it. There it was. A ball of light, floating above her hands. I sat up slightly, onto my knees, and stared at it, like a child, as if my mind couldn’t exactly process what it was seeing. And then it clicked. This was magic. This was magic. I was in Skyrim. Whether I liked it or not, here I was. A sob built up in my throat. First one, then another, until I was crying and gasping for air. I grasped Faralda’s robes and leaned into her, sobbing. I buried my face in her robes. I felt hands grabbing my arms and pulling me upright, and then they were leading me across the bridge. We had barely stepped onto bridge when I began to violently shiver. It was cold out here, probably at least twenty five degrees celsius below zero. My tears a made their way down my face, tinkling as they hit the ground, frozen solid. We made it back into the building I had woken up in a few minutes later. They led me up to the second floor, back to where I had found myself waking up earlier. I slumped off of them, walking on my own towards the bed. I sat down on the edge of the mattress, letting out a deep sigh. I had no more tears to shed.   
I stretched out and laid down on my back. I had nothing left. If I really was stuck here in Skyrim, then I’d have to leave everything I had behind. Another sob formed in my throat, but I choked it down. I shivered again, realizing just how cold Skyrim was, even inside a building. When I’d played the game, they always mentions how cold it was, but it had never really sunk in until I had to experience it. For now, I was comfortable with the cold. It reflected how I felt. I lay there on the bed, staring emptily at the stone ceiling. Eventually I drifted off into a comfortless, dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been six months since my quite sudden arrival in Skyrim. Lots of new people came to see me, returning, as it would turn out, from the Saarthal excavation. Tolfdir, being the kind old man he was, pulled me aside and gave me some hot chocolate, after hearing the full story from Faralda and Brelyna. Apparently, chocolate did exist in Tamriel, although it was rare, evidenced by the jealous looks some of the other students were giving me. I, of course was happy to fade out of existence and beyond their notice, but it seemed that I would be the center of attention for awhile. I got a pair of robes, which were surprisingly comfortable, and very warm.  
I was hanging onto life with a grip that was tenuous at best, which was fair, considering that I had lost everything I had ever known. Savos Aren, after his initial curiosity about me, seemed to forget I existed. Ancano was quite curious about me and where I came from. I told him what I told everyone else. When I finally tired of wandering the college grounds (there was only so much to explore, after all), I began to read about magic, and the history of the college. Urag Gro-Shrub and I ended up seeing a lot of each other. It was through this reading and study that I met a Dunmer by the name of Felenil Paper-Burner. Felenil had come to the College to study Destruction, and was hoping to eventually get his masters in it.  
I was on my way back to the Hall of Countenance, carrying some books on the history of the college, when I ran into Felenil. Literally. After dropping a few of the books I was carrying, I steadied myself and looked at Felenil.  
“I’m so sorry, are you alright?” He asked me after a few moments.  
“No.” I stated simply.  
He flinched slightly. “Right, sorry. Bad question.”  
I bent down to pick the books I had dropped off the ground. I straightened and made my way around around Felenil and into the Hall of Countenance. As I was putting my back against the door and pushing it open, Felenil turned and said, “If you ever want to talk to someone, I’m here. I know what it feels like to lose everything.”  
I was somewhat surprised, given that we’d had few interactions over the past few months, other than reading in the library at the same time as the other. And yet here he was, offering comfort and a listening ear. It was so unexpectedly kind, I began to cry. Worried, Felenil stepped closer and asked “What’s wrong?”  
“I-i-it’s just that you, Brelyna and Tolfdir are the only ones who seem like you care.” I told him between sobs.  
“Oh, no, Magnus, we’re not the only ones who like you.” He said as he took the books from me.  
“Faralda and J’zargo both really like you. Faralda just doesn’t really know what to say, and J’zargo….he likes you more than he lets on. He thinks you’re one of the few people who could challenge him magically, and he enjoys how curious you are.”  
“They do? But, they never talk to me.”  
“But they do see how nice you are to everyone despite your circumstances.”  
“Oh. Ok.” I said as my sobs finally relented. He walked me in and set my books on my bed. I stood there thinking for a few minutes.  
“So, Felenil Paper-Burner, huh?” I said with a weak smile. He blushed slightly.  
“Brelyna’s never gonna let me live that one down. She and J’zargo created a mini snow storm that followed me around. Eventually I got so mad about it that I invoked the wrath of my ancestors. Warmed me right up, and scared the shit out of them. Unfortunately, it also ended up burning one of Brelyna’s paper on magical theory.”  
I snorted. I could imagine how pleased she would’ve been.  
“Earlier you mentioned that J’zargo thinks I could challenge him magically. But I can’t do magic, so how could I challenge him?” I asked.  
“Well, to be completely honest, we don’t know if you can do magic. Most people have at least some magical ability, they just never exercise it. Mages are just people who have more than a normal amount of magical ability and use it.” He answered.  
“Do you… do you think you could teach me a spell?” I asked. He paused and studied me for a moment.  
“Yeah, I think I could do that. I only know conjuration and some basic destruction though, so if you want to actually learn more, you’ll have to talk to someone else.”  
“The spell I’m going to teach you is called candlelight. It was one of the first spells I ever learned. It’s actually an alteration spell for what it’s worth. So what I want you to do is cup your hands, focus and envision an orb of light in your hands. You’ll need an incantation, give me a minute to look through my bag for it.”  
I sat with my eyes closed, focusing on an orb of light. I heard Felenil rummaging through his back. The rustling stopped and I heard him whisper, “By the Divines.”  
“What?” I asked, eyes still closed.  
“Magnus, open your eyes.”  
I did. And gasped. Floating a few inches over the palms of my joined hands was a ball of light. Felenil practically leapt from where he was sitting on the bed and sprinted away. He returned moments later with Brelyna.  
“Felenil what’s this about?” Brelyna demanded as he dragged her over.  
“This.” He said, pointing at the ball of light in my hands.  
“So Magnus can do magic! That’s good!” She said.  
“It’s not just that he can do magic, Lyna. He did that without an incantation.”  
“What? No he didn’t, it’s not possible for his first time.”  
“Not to interrupt an obviously important debate about me, but what is so important about me doing it without an incantation?” I demanded.  
Brelyna turned to me and began to explain.  
“Beginners need incantations to do spells to organize their thoughts and magicka for the spell. A beginner’s mind and magic are chaotic and unorganized. As one gets more practice with their own magicka and it becomes more organized and easily controlled, the need for incantations lessens. The reason what you’ve done is so astounding is because it means you have a nearly unparalleled affinity for magic.”  
I nodded.  
“So really it just means that I am naturally really good at magic?” I asked.  
“Yes.” Brelyna answered.  
I thought about that for a moment. If beginners needed incantations, why hadn’t the games included them? Even bigger, how had someone created a game series about a physical, real world? As I thought about these questions, I heard Felenil tell Brelyna to go get Tolfdir.  
“Magnus, do you think you can put out that light?” Felenil inquired.  
I nodded, focusing. Silently, without warning, the orb disappeared, leaving the room significantly darker than before. I heard approaching footsteps. I looked up to see Faralda walk in.  
“Hey Fel, I ran into Brelyna. Said she was going to get Tolfdir, but wouldn’t tell me why. Mind telling me what’s up? You didn’t burn another paper of hers, did you?”  
He rolled his eyes when she asked about the papers. He shook his and proceeded to tell her.  
“No, it’s just that Magnus cast a spell. Without an incantation.”  
Her eyes widened slightly.  
“Shit, really?” She asked.  
Felenil simply nodded. The door to the hall clattered open, and I heard muted voices talking in hurried tones. From around the corner came Tolfdir and Brelyna.  
“Magnus, Brelyna has informed me that you have cast a spell without the use of an incantation. Is this true?” He demanded.  
I nodded silently.  
“Do you think you could do it again?” He asked.  
I nodded again.  
I brought my hands together and focused. Suddenly the shadows in the room were leaping wildly, and the orb was floating in my hands. Tolfdir paused for a few moments, looking visibly shaken. He collected himself and spoke immediately.  
“Put that out and come with me. You and I need to speak with the Archmage.”  
I did as he told. The orb disappeared from my hands and I slipped on my boots. I stood and walked away with Tolfdir. I nervously waved goodbye to the group as I left. We quickly crossed the courtyard and hurried into the Hall of Elements. Tolfdir opened the door to the staircase that lead to the Archmage’s quarters. We stopped at the top when we heard voices. I recognized both. Ancano was in there, arguing with the Archmage. Tolfdir paused, as if debating whether or not to interrupt. Decision made, Tolfdir opened the door and interrupted the discussion.  
“Archmage, we need to speak with you immediately.” He said.  
The Archmage turned our way, and for a moment, every single one of his years was etched in his face. Ancano whirled around as well. He looked displeased, to say the least.  
“What is the meaning of this interruption?” Ancano demanded.  
Tolfdir, unblinking, replied, “We need to speak with the Archmage immediately. Alone.”  
Ancano opened his mouth, but the Archmage beat him to it.  
“What is it, Tolfdir? Nothing serious, I hope.”  
“Serious enough, Savos. Serious enough.” Tolfdir replied.  
“Very well. Ancano please leave us. We can continue this discussion at a later date.”  
Ancano left, throwing glares in my direction the whole time. Savos lead us to a table and drew up an extra for me, and grabbed some wine and glasses for us. He gestured for us to sit as he poured. He picked up his glass, took a sip, and set it down.  
“Alright Tolfdir, what is it?” He asked.  
“Magnus cast a spell without the use of an incantation.” Tolfdir responded.  
“By the Eight.” Savos breathed.  
“Magnus, what did you do? Tell me as accurately as you can, please.” Savos asked.  
“I just closed my eyes, focused, and envisioned a ball of light, and that was it.” I told him.  
Savos nodded. “Magnus if it’s alright, I’d like to conduct a simple test. Please stand over there.” He said, gesturing to a spot in the middle of the room. I stood and walked to the spot he had pointed out. I turned and faced him to see him ready a ball of lightning in his hands. He hurled it at me. I shouted and threw my hands up in front of my face. I waited for the pain, but it never came. I peered through my fingers to see a stream of lightning flowing towards me, but stopping at a point roughly a foot away from me. A faint blue oval was floating in front of me, barely visible. I had created a ward.  
The lightning died. Savos smiled at me slightly.  
“It’s alright, that was just a test.” He said.  
“Damn frightening one.” I answered.  
“True. However Magnus, that was an expert level spell. Incredibly powerful. And you blocked it. With ease, I might add. Which makes me wonder what the true extent of your abilities is.”  
He stood from his chair and gestured for Tolfdir and I to follow him. He lead us through his quarters to a door. He opened it to reveal a spiral staircase leading upward. We followed him up and emerged on the roof of the College. Since our crossing the courtyard, a blizzard had started. I looked at Savos and raised an eyebrow. He smirked slightly.  
“Clear the skies.” He said. I heard Tolfdir gasp quietly.  
I stared at him for a few seconds. He inclined his head, narrowing his eyes slightly. A challenge. I turned and faced the edge of the roof. I took a deep breath. I felt the icy daggers of the cold wind stabbing in my lungs. I focused, imagining a clear, sunny sky, and pushed the idea outward. I began to feel slightly out of breath. I opened my eyes. Still snowing. I pushed harder. I began to gasp for air. The snow had slowed. Not enough. I focused harder, imagining the warmth of the sun on my skin, the sound of water dripping off a melting icicle, the birds chirping. The snow stopped. I fell to one knee, and kept pushing. A cold, biting wind blew in off the sea of ghosts. The clouds cleared slowly. My head began to pound. The sun poked through, and for a brief moment I felt its warmth on my face. Then the wind intensified and my strength gave out. The clouds quickly came back together, and the snow began anew.  
I stood slowly. I felt out of breath, despite the fact that my heart rate was normal, as was my breathing. My head was light and pounding. I stumbled towards Savos.  
“What am I feeling?” I asked.  
“Magicka exhaustion. You’ve emptied your body’s reserves of magical energy. You’ll begin to feel better in a few minutes.” He answered.  
“Did I pass?”  
“Pass what?”  
“Your test.”  
“Yes.”  
I walked carefully towards the door an began the descent down to the Archmage’s quarters. I heard Savos and Tolfdir coming in behind me. When I reached his quarters I walked over to the table we sat at earlier, sat down, and drained my wine glass in one draw. Savos and Tolfdir walked and seated themselves as well.  
“I am very impressed, Magnus. You kept the sky clear for almost 5 seconds. The fact that managed that long goes to show that you have a massive pool of magicka at your disposal. You clearly have strength. Allow me to teach you how to use it.”  
I had been drifting slightly, so it took a moment for me to absorb what he had said.  
“Wait, you want to teach me personally? Like, mentor me?” I asked.  
“Yes. You are obviously incredibly powerful and intuitive, and I believe you deserve the best instruction this college has to offer. No offense, Tolfdir.” Savos replied.  
“None taken. You do have a good 200 years of experience on me, and you are of course, also the Archmage. They don’t give that title to just anybody.” Tolfdir told him.  
“Now Magnus, you look very tired, so you may have the rest of the day off. However, please meet me in the Arcanaeum tomorrow morning. Enjoy the rest of your day.”  
“Thank you, I will.” I said.  
As I stood to leave I heard Savos clear his throat.  
“Magnus, what have you learned today?” He asked.  
“I have my limits.” I said.  
“Good. And?” He prompted.  
“I don’t know, sir.”  
“The first rule of magic. Every action has consequences. Don’t ever interfere with nature unless you’re sure you’ll win the fight. Understand?” He asked.  
“Yes.” I replied.  
“Have a good day, Magnus.” He said.  
I walked down the spiral staircase into the Hall of Elements. I went back to the Hall of Countenance and was walking up the stairs to my room, ready to crash, when I walked past Brelyna’s room. The door was open, and inside Brelyna, Faralda, and Felenil were all talking.  
I did my best to sneak past them without their noticing, but Felenil saw me at the last second.  
“Magnus! How are you? How’d things go with the Archmage?” He asked.  
I stopped and sighed. I turned around and walked back to the doorway and leaned up against the frame. I ran my hand down my face tiredly.  
“It went good, I guess. He tested my newfound capabilities. It was fairly draining. He had me clear the skies as a test. He also hurled lightning at me.”  
Everyone’s jaws dropped.  
“Why is it so impressive that I cleared the skies?” I demanded.  
Faralda was the first to snap out of it and respond.  
“Because it requires massive amounts of energy. If it was easy we’d would’ve already been doing it. It requires a team of mages working together to control the weather for mere moments, and even then they have to be masters. That you did it on your own, for 5 seconds? It’s unimaginable.”  
I nodded slowly.  
“Right well thank you for explaining that to me, Faralda. I’m quite tired, so I’ll be going to bed now.”  
Several calls of goodnight followed me to my room. I shut the door behind me and crawled into the bed, surrendering myself to the loving embrace of sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up late the next afternoon, yawning and rubbing the sand from my eyes. I rolled out of bed slowly, stretching. I winced slightly as my back popped loudly in several places. I stood in place for a few moments, considering the events of the other day. Shrugging, I turned and left my room. I stopped for a quick visit to the bathroom, then left the hall and entered the main courtyard. I shivered slightly in the cold, pulling my robes tight around me. I stepped out onto the snow covering the ground and recoiled in shock. I had forgotten to put on my boots. In this kind of cold, I would suffer frostbite in minutes, and then my feet would go. But, after yesterday, I wondered.  
I thought for a moment, imagining warmth. The feeling you get when you’re cold and drink hot chocolate. Almost immediately, heat bloomed in my stomach and spread outward. I walked out onto the snow again. Bearable. I looked behind me as I walked through the snow and saw steaming footprints in the snow, melted down all the way to the grass. I smiled to myself slightly, then walked onto the stone pathway in the middle of the courtyard. I walked toward the hall of elements slowly, taking my time. I reached the doors of the hall of elements. I laid my hands against the doors, palms flat, shivering slightly as my skin touched the cold metal. I paused. If I opened these doors, I was committing to something. To the college and to magic. I took a deep breath.   
It’s not like you can go back, Magnus, I thought, pushing open the doors. I stepped into the hall and closed the heavy wooden doors behind me. I walked through the hall, weaving in between the pillars, peering into the smaller fonts throughout the room. I stopped in front the largest font, in the center of the room on a raised dais. I sat on the stone lip, looking around. After the events of yesterday, I was determined to push myself, to see what I could do. I slid down off the lip, and sat down with my back to the stone. I crossed my legs, and looked around. I heard a door open and looked around to see Savos Aren come through the door from his quarters. When he saw me, smiled slightly and beckoned for me to follow him, then turned and walked out of the hall. I stood and followed him, curious as to what was going to happen. When I joined him outside, he cleared his throat and began the lesson.  
‘It’s good you’re up late, Magnus. In the interest of preventing Ancano from discovering the extent of your abilities, we’ll be practicing at odd times and places.” He told me.  
“Sir I thought you worked with Ancano. Should you be deceiving him like this?” I asked. Savos chuckled quietly.  
“I work with him yes. Which is precisely why I’m doing this. Magnus, I need you to understand this: Ancano and I may work together, but first and foremost Ancano is an agent of the Thalmor. If he even understood the extent of your abilities, you would either be dead within the week or working for them. It’s good that everyone is at the excavation.” He replied.  
“I understand.” I responded quietly.  
“Right well, let’s begin the lesson shall we?”  
I nodded.  
“Get all the snow off the ground.” He said.  
I looked at him for a few seconds. He clearly didn’t intend to make things easy for me. Good. I wanted a challenge. I stood for a moment, staring at the snow. Mentally, I pictured it lifting off the ground, and moving skyward. The snow lifted off the ground by a few inches, then stopped. I felt a sudden mental pressure. I looked sharply at the Archmage. He merely smiled and gestured for me to continue. I tried to move the snow again, and hit the same wall. I somehow spread my mind out across the barrier. I probed it mentally trying to find weak points. It was strange. It was an out of body experience, but at the same time I still saw and heard everything my body did. I found a weak spot in the barrier. I frowned, gathering my focus. I thought about what to do and realized instantly. I mentally threw myself at the weak spot as hard as I could. I felt the barrier disintegrate and saw the snow shoot up into the sky, soon disappearing altogether.   
“Holy shit.” I breathed.  
We stood in silence for a few moments. After a few seconds, chunks of snow ice began to fall out of the sky. The largest were probably the size of my fist, and there were dozens of them. As the shower of snow and ice slowly died down, I looked at Savos.  
“That barrier. That was you wasn’t, it?” I asked.  
“Yes. Today’s lesson was simple. When battling another mage, and they try to directly prevent you from casting a spell, you must do what you just did. Find their weakness and break it.”  
“What if they find mine first?” I asked.  
“Stop them, if you can. If you can’t, react as fast as you can.” He replied.  
“Alright. What’s next?” I inquired.  
“Well that depends. I know you’ve been doing plenty of reading about magic, I’ve seen you carrying the tomes. So, what school interests you the most?” He asked.  
I thought for a moment. Destruction had plenty of potential, but I didn’t think it was for me. Illusion was just odd to me. Conjuration, was incredibly interesting.  
“Conjuration.” I finally answered.  
“Right. I cannot teach you anything until you know the theory, so for the next several days, I expect you to read every tome we have on conjuration. When that’s done, we’ll begin lessons.” He told me.  
“Right. I’ll get on that.” I said.  
Savos nodded, dismissing me. I walked away and stepped in the snow on the ground from earlier, plus what had accumulated form the constant snowfall and immediately swore. Savos heard me and looked up sharply. I took a deep breath and imagined warmth. I immediately felt warmer, and walked through the snow, leaving steaming footprints just as before. I pushed through the doors of the hall of countenance and sighed. I went up to my room and sat down on the bed. As I was sitting on my bed, it hit that it had been six months since I had arrived. The full reality of the situation came crashing down on me again. I hadn’t cried about it since the day I’d arrived. I got up and stumbled out of my room, blinking away tears. I finally got to Brelyna’s room. I knocked on it timidly. I heard her voice from behind me.  
“Hey Magnus, what’s up?” She asked. I jumped slightly.  
“Fuck that’s right, everyone is at the excavation. I knew that.” I said, silently wiping a tear away. She noticed.  
“Hey, what’s wrong?”  
“It’s just,” I paused, drawing in a single shaky breath,“I haven’t really thought about it all since I got here, but I can’t go back. I’m stuck here, Brelyna, and I don’t know anyone. I am alone, and I am afraid.”  
“Oh Magnus, I’m so sorry.” She said, drawing me in for a hug. I heard the door to the hall open and let in a blast of freezing cold air, Felenil and Faralda’s drifting in on the wind. Their voices stopped abruptly when they me noticed sobbing in Brelyna’s arms.  
“Hey, Magnus, everything okay?” I heard ask.  
“I don’t want to talk about it again.” I sobbed into Brelyna’s shoulder.  
“It’s okay, I’ll explain.” She murmured soothingly.  
I got out a muffled thank you before I started sobbing again. As Brelyna explained to Faralda and Felenil, she led me up the stairs. When we stopped, she let go of me and moved away.  
“Come on Magnus, climb on up.” She said.  
I looked up to see Brelyna reaching down through the trapdoor in the ceiling. Right, so we were hanging out on the roof. I climbed up the ladder and took her hand, clambering up onto the roof. I looked around and for a brief moment saw it exactly as it had been when I had first arrived. Covered in bodies, blood everywhere, a massive scorch mark on the ground in the center of the roof.   
I blinked and then it was gone. I shook slightly as Brelyna led me to the wall at the edge of the roof. They were higher in person than in the game, coming up to my waist. She had me sit down with my back against the wall as she pushed a brazier full of coals across the roof. It was low, sitting directly on the ground with no stand. The others came up the ladder just as she finished pushing it towards me. I heard their conversation as if it was far away, muted and quiet. I didn’t pay much attention until Felenil came over and put some wood in the brazier, setting it alight with a gesture, then sat down on my left. Brelyna sat down on my other side, silently passing me a bottle of alto wine. I nodded my thanks. I pulled the cork and took a long pull, then passed it to Felenil. The atmosphere became far less depressing as the night wore on and the alcohol worked on our systems. Eventually, we moved back inside. Not because we wanted to, but because after Faralda fell off the ladder while getting more wine, we realized it was smarter to go back indoors. Even if we did all giggle like children when she fell. She only fell off the third rung, so it wasn’t very far, but it did make us realize it was time to move inside. In the end, we passed out in a pile leaning up against each other.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a tumblr by the way: plaidcerealbox.tumblr.com  
> I update when I post chapters here  
> or at least  
> I try to


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